Currently. Sort of.

Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away. THANKSGIVING. IS LESS THAN. TWO WEEKS. AWAY. I don’t know about y’all, but I can’t believe it. Time moves so quickly. This is part of why I try to blog regularly. I think time has moved too quickly for anything significant to have happened, but stuff — significant stuff worth mentioning– has happened in a short amount of time. But, first, allow me to mention some recent happenings.

I watched Metamorphoses at the Lookingglass and it was brilliant. It’s been years since I’ve watched live theatre and I’m lucky to have gotten the chance to see this show. I wanted to see it when it was originally at the Lookingglass. The whole night, especially the company I spent it with, was brilliant. I experienced the ever popular “will I get there on time despite Friday evening rush hour traffic” adrenaline rush, walked around the city in absolutely perfect weather, tried out a vegan restaurant, and had a damn good time with a new-old friend. Thanks for a fun night, Chris! More importantly, thanks for being a damn good person.

In terms of work, I started a new job. It’s not that different from my old job. Same company, same department, same boss, different role. It’s a promotion (yay!) and it will be challenging (boooo!) but I’m going to be so much smarter and better because of it (yay!).

I’m trying to do NaNoWriMo this year. My story is largely inspired by my own life over the past year, the city of Chicago, and the stray cat in my parents’ neighborhood. I swear that cat is stalking me.

The significant stuff that I mentioned at the beginning of this post are largely the result of something that occurred around the time that I wrote this post and this post. Long story short, I took a risk. Things didn’t exactly turn out the way I hoped they would turn out, but they still exceeded my expectations.

  • I made a new friend who filled a friendship void that I didn’t realize I had. The whole situation drives me crazy sometimes, but putting myself out there was definitely worth the risk. It taught me that being open and gracious and genuine is key in building healthy relationships. I’ve definitely grown from this experience and learned a lot about myself.
  • I’ve also learned a lot about the great friends that I already had. Who’s supportive, who’s brutally honest, who wants me to shut up, who is eternally optimistic, who thinks I’m nuts. I love you all!
  • I’ve started to network. I never thought I would be a networking person. I try to get to know people and I seek out advice from people whom I know I can learn from. It’s important! Confidence is key and there is no weakness at all in asking questions. After all, how can anyone learn if they don’t mingle with the experts? How will you know what you don’t know if you don’t hang out with people who are smarter than you are?
  • I’m in a bowling league. Ridiculous! I mean, I have my own friggin’ bowling shoes. It’s weird. It’s also pretty fun and I know I’m getting better at it.
  • I’m reading more, trying to keep things fresh in terms of the TV and music that I consume, and am unplugging from the Internet.

I feel the need to reflect on these things because I feel another shift coming. I’m preparing myself to take another risk. I don’t want to speculate because things never turn out the way I imagine they could (is anyone ever really able to correctly guess what’s going to happen in the future?), but I’m expecting that it will be an educational experience. Wish me luck!

Okay, Universe. I get it.

There was a full moon this week. I truly believe that the moon has an impact on our bodies and minds in the same way that it affects the tide. It’s been a weird week for me. I’ve been clutzy, bitchy, tired, extremely quiet, extremely talkative… just off-balance.

I’m not the only one who has been off-balance. Hurricane Sandy devastated our country. It was eerie to be on the Internet as it all unfolded. I saw posts from friends about their preparation and anticipation, some of them joking (hello, photoshopped storm photos), many of them serious (“Get inside as soon as you can!”), but none of them had a fearful or worrisome tone to them — at least, none that I can remember. Then, the storm hit and my friends in NYC just kind of… disappeared. Those in other areas that were hit by the storm were able to update the world on the status of their electricity, potential or actual damage to their homes, or what they were doing to keep busy as they waited out the storm.

After natural disasters like this or any personal loss, I’m reminded that life is short. I need to be grateful for what I have, not worry so much about having the perfect pair of shoes, how I’m going to survive financially, or if I finished that thing that I was supposed to finish at work. I need to tell people I love them. I have to stop stalling and go after what I want instead of just daydreaming about it.

It isn’t just the hurricane that’s re-taught me this lesson. I’ve been bombarded by messages this whole week, starting with last Saturday when I watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I adored the book and couldn’t wait to see the movie, especially because it was adapted and directed by the author, Stephen Chbosky. I walked out of the movie theater with a lot of thoughts and feelings, like I shouldn’t be afraid to be who I am, I shouldn’t be afraid to tell people I love them, I need to allow people to love me and I shouldn’t settle for anyone who doesn’t treat me well.

Being honest and open about my feelings may be super awkward and may not always end well, but it can be truly good to let those feelings out, whatever they may be. I was reminded about this in a quirky way when watching the latest episode of Homeland. Yes, crazy Carrie said it to crazy Brody in a kind of manipulative attempt to get him to ‘fess up, but it was a moment that I won’t forget from the series.

Try not to judge me too harshly, but One Tree Hill is another TV show that reminded me pretty bluntly to be grateful and tell people I love them. I finally finished watching the series which means that I have officially watched every single episode of One Tree Hill. Whoa.

Don’t worry: I actually took time to read recently and finished Downtown Owl by Chuck Klosterman over the weekend. I’ve had this book in my library for awhile but didn’t have the motivation to read it until I heard that Adam Scott wants to produce a film version of it. It’s an easy read and interesting enough. I don’t want to spoil it in case you plan to read it (or watch the movie) but I came away from it with the reminder that life is short — too short to play games and wonder all the time — and that life isn’t over until we’re dead, no matter how old we are, so we have to try and make the best of every day and interact with people.

I received more messages today, but they were reminders that I needed to hear after a bizarre week. I think I heard these on morning radio, which I typically don’t like listening to. The first was to smile. The actual message sarcastic, something along the lines of ‘smile right when you wake up every morning… get it overwith,’ but I think you would all agree that waking up cranky is the worst. But we have that moment to decide that we are going to have a good day. The other message is simple: be confident and give yourself props for being you. It’s so simple. Impressing other people with your awesomeness starts from within.

So, there you have it! I’m going to make an effort to blog more frequently, particularly since this is National Blog Writing Month and NaNoWriMo. If there’s anything you want me to write about or if you have any questions, let me know by leaving a comment!

Girlfriend is almost 21

My sister and I went to see Matthew Sweet at City Winery last Friday. It was one of his last stops on his Girlfriend tour.

He played the entire Girlfriend album and it was great to see him play live after all these years, though I kind of wish it wasn’t such a laid back venue. It would have been great to get up and dance instead of rocking around in my chair, which literally became a pain in the ass.

My sister was a huge Matthew Sweet fan after Girlfriend was released. I vaguely remember that she went to see him play live at Tower Records and got to meet him. There’s a picture around here of her leaning back as he signed the shirt she was wearing. I know she saw him play live other times (maybe at Taste of Chicago?) and she took me with her to see him play a free show at The Chicago Theater, which I think was my first music concert. We hung out in the alley until we were let in backstage to meet him which is kind of super fucking awesome and something I wouldn’t be brave enough to try today.

I just love this album cover! City Winery made an ‘artist’s wine’ for everyone to taste at the show, and they used this for the bottle label. I considered buying a bottle before I realized that I only had $2 to spend on unnecessary objects.

Even though my sister was the obsessive fan, I look back on my teen years and have realized that Matthew Sweet meant a lot to me as well. I would write out song lyrics of his when I was a freshman in high school, lyrics that meant something to me and my life at the time. I hear a song of his and it reminds me of that crush I had, that phase I went through, or even becomes a perfect expression of how I feel today.

God, I love this video.

I’ve grown up, my sister has grown up, Matthew Sweet has aged, the album is quickly approaching it’s 21st anniversary… but the music of Girlfriend never gets old. The show was an absolute treat and I’m really glad that my sister and I were able to share the experience.

www.matthewsweet.com

Currently (or This Too Shall Pass)

Allow me to rant for a paragraph or two. There’s construction going on around my parents’ house and it is RUINING MY LIFE. The worst part is that I have my own place. Why do I stay with my parents?! I have my own place where I don’t have to deal with construction and I don’t have to worry about the water being turned off and I can WALK AROUND NAKED IF I WANT. Oh, Lisa. I’m so disappointed in you.

Second rant: I can’t wait until this election is over. I know who I’m voting for but I’m honestly scared about the outcome either way. Politics has never been something that I like to talk about. I like listening to people who are educated and passionate, and I read and do what I can to educate myself as much as possible. But I get so frustrated when someone with no fucking clue starts talking politics, or when you think you’re having a friendly exchange about politics with a rational human being and then they say that the President is the spawn of Satan and you realize that they are totally serious and you kind of wish you didn’t know them anymore.

Okay. The construction should be over in a month. The election, well, I’ll be living in this country indefinitely so I care deeply, but elections are so damn ugly. Are they not? It’ll be done by Thanksgiving, which isn’t that far away, y’all.

Now, I like saying “y’all” even though I’m a Chicago girl through and through. I’ve been using it a LOT recently, probably because I’m reading “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” by Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess. I’m reading it on my brand new gently used Kindle Fire! I’m not totally against ebooks, but I still prefer the real thing. I like turning pages, I like bookmarks, I like being able to measure how “thick” chapters are, and I especially like that I can hand a book to a friend that I know will enjoy it after I’m done reading it.

I finally started watching Girls and can someone tell me what goat Lena Dunham sacrificed in order to have her career? I simultaneously want to hug her and high five her and punch her in the face. I can’t decide if I think she’s brilliant or just really, really lucky. (It’s probably both.) I like the show. I understand all the backlash and shit, and there are plenty of reasonable people I personally know who wouldn’t find it entertaining in the least. I just find it refreshing that I can enjoy it and can relate to it (to an extent) without getting emotionally involved (which is what is sort of happening with Parenthood, another show I’m currently marathoning). Anyway. Lena Dunham, fuck you and your brilliance and maybe we can hang out sometime? Please?

I can’t believe it’s September already. Summer went by way too quickly and I already know that fall and winter are going to fly by. I do have a feeling that I’ll have a lot of funny and/or excruciating tales to share with y’all. Be productive, creative, set goals, make plans, be spontaneous –cue inspirational music– every moment is a gift. Time will pass quickly regardless of how you spend it. So have fun and get shit done and live life and start dating so that you don’t have to buy a cat and you probably don’t have to buy a cat because the neighborhood stray already thinks that you’re her mommy and well that’s another blog post for another day.

I’d like to thank the Academy…

I am a fan of acceptance speeches at awards ceremonies. I would hope that anyone who gets nominated for an award is honored not only by the recognition of their talent or accomplishment, but also honored to have a potential opportunity to publicly declare their gratitude to those who helped them. I was raised to be very mindful of the people who help me and to show them that I am grateful. I try my best to do that. I’m pretty mindful of how the people around me lift me up and make me a better person just by being who they are. But it would be kinda weird to give someone a thank you card that says “Thanks for laughing at the awful joke I made yesterday.” And so, here are some Thank Yous that I would like to throw out there, addressed to anonymous recipients and all from the bottom of my little Asian lady heart.

Thank you for letting me vent about obnoxious things and never judging me for it. Along those same lines, thank you for being comfortable enough with me and finding me trustworthy enough to vent to.

Thank you for treating me like a member of your family. I value your friendship so much. Our friendship is a great example of how you should be kind and genuine to everyone because sometimes the last person you think you would click with may turn out to be one of your best friends.

Thank you for telling me when my hair needs to be fixed, when I have something in my nose, when there’s dirt on my pants, or when my eyeliner or mascara is smudged.

Thank you for always smiling when you see me. (This one goes out to a lot people, friends and strangers alike.)

Thank you for stopping me when I’m about to eat something non-vegan.

Thank you for motivating me to be smarter and more interesting. You do this simply by being smart and interesting.

Thank you for apologizing for your jackassery.

Thank you for your silly laugh. I love hearing it when we’re together and it makes me smile when I hear it from afar.

Thank you for telling me when I’m being a grouchy monster bitch face.

Thank you for wanting to get to know me. It’s not only flattering and surprising, it’s turned into an opportunity to make a new friend and learn from you.

Thank you for reading this blog.

Do I get an A for effort?

I stayed in this weekend for two reasons. First, my financial situation sort of sucks after getting new tires and brake pads for my car. Second, I didn’t feel like going anywhere alone but I didn’t want to impose on anyone, either.

Let’s talk about my car first. I took Friday off so I made an appointment for an oil change. An oil change turned into a routine maintenance thingy which turned into needing new tires and brake pads. I knew something was up with my tires — turns out one of them had a nail in it and I was planning on getting new ones before winter anyway. My car felt so much better when I drove it home. I’m almost scared to drive my car now, which I realize is kind of insane.

As far as this weekend went, I got up early to say bon voyage to my brother as he left for vacation. I got back home from the airport before 6am and decided to go for a run. Best two minute run ever!! I don’t lack energy but I do lack… stamina? Endurance? Anyway, I can only run for a few minutes at a time. I ended up doing a pattern of running for two minutes followed by walking for two (or three or five) minutes for about a half hour. Running is so not something my body seems built to do, though I suppose expecting to be able to go from the couch to running for a half hour is unrealistic. Somehow, I’m motivated to keep trying.

Going for a “run” reminded me that I need to chop off my hair. It’s long and I love it long but it’s so heavy that it won’t stay up in a ponytail for very long before it dro0ps down. I’m being kind of picky about who will cut my hair. I need sound advice from a professional about what to do with my it: long layers? shoulder length? bangs? bob? pixie cut? Kidding about that last one, but I am willing to lop off half the length. I don’t mind having short hair. I just want it to look nice.

I finished reading The Unnamed and my prediction was correct: it broke my heart. It’s a wonderful novel, modern and moving, and there are passages that are written so beautifully that I had to re-read them out loud. Yeah, I’m weird. I’ve made this conscious effort to make time to read magazines and books while cutting down on my online time. Basically, I have been staying up and reading until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.

I feel like I’m in an in-between stage. I took some risks and they paid off — not in the way I had hoped they would, but I’m still happy and have no regrets. There’s this thing that happens when I’ve made a decision move on —  not give up, but move on. I’m inconsolable in a way; I can only take care of myself and I pretty much alienate myself. It isn’t fair and it feels awful. But, I’m always kind of alone. I debated going out yesterday, either to visit art museums or see a movie or just go for a drive. I pictured myself doing these things alone and I had to laugh a little. I don’t think anyone who knew me growing up would have guessed that I would be so on my own as an adult. Being on my own is something I don’t really like. I’m extremely proud of myself for not having to depend on someone else, but it hurts a little to know that I’m used to going to the movies on my own, or figuring out how to get to a destination with no one to navigate, or riding the CTA late at night.

Keep trying. Keep putting myself out there. Leave the house. Meet people and laugh with people and be myself. Be kind and genuine. Never give up. Seize opportunities to be a smarter and more interesting person which can only lead to meeting smart interesting people. I’ll get what I want eventually, right?