So, my last post was a little nutballs, but it did have a point: I’m anxious for something new to happen. Oh my god, the ridiculousness. I’m so worried about not being interesting or about not ever growing or changing, but I have. I have slowly been morphing into a new me over the last several months. How has my life changed? Let’s count the ways.
I started a new job. My work life is completely different compared to one year ago. I can probably say that I have grown more professionally in a few months than I did in the 6 years in my old position.
I am transitioning to a vegan diet. I still can’t really believe this one. I drink my coffee black and I can’t remember the last time I had a steak. My body feels different and I feel great.
My physical appearance has slightly changed. I actually put effort into looking decent. I wear a little makeup and I care about what I wear. I actually cringe when I think about how I used to dress for work. I was so lazy and really quite frumpy. Lazy and frumpy still happen, but the fact that I have a pair of skinny jeans and started wearing skirts again is kind of a big deal.
My friends and social life (both on and offline) have changed. This one makes me both glad and sad. It’s inevitable that people will grow apart or lose touch as time passes and things change–or as I come to the realization that some people are toxic in my life. There are a few people whom I really miss, but all I can do is tell them so when I have a moment to pause and contact them. On the other hand, I have grown closer to some friends and made new ones. I’ve been really lucky.
I’ve learned a lot and I’m eager to learn more. I want to keep up with the world, engage in fun and intelligent conversation, travel and be a part of things. It’s not always easy because I’m pretty much an introvert who doesn’t mind staying at home, but my efforts to join in and be friendly and do something I have never done before have never resulted in regret.
All this change has been weird and gradual. I don’t think I could have known a year ago that this is what I would be like right now. Wanna know what’s even more weird? People have started to notice me. Believe me, I am generally OK with going unnoticed. But the attention I’ve gotten by simply being me has been really nice.
Is it wrong that I still want more? I hope not, because I know I can do more. And you know what? I think I deserve more. I just need to quit hesitating and giving myself escape exits. I’ve certainly changed, but it’s because I’ve taken chances and been daring. That’s a good thing, but I also can’t help but think about all the opportunities I’ve let slip by, knowingly and unknowingly.
There’s this weird feeling in my gut that all this change I’ve grown through lately is preparing me for something I’m growing impatient. Whatever it is, I think it’s gonna be great.