Category Archives: Driving Diary

I Almost Got Hit by the Geek Squad Today

An f’in Geek Squad beetle nearly hit me on the drive home today. Luckily, the Geek driving the car had excellent reflexes and swerved just in time. My car told me later that his life flashed before his eyes and dammit, he needs a friggin car wash because it is just humiliating how dirty he is.

Cheap Thrill #2: Ending Up in the Fast Lane

There are few things more satisfying than knowing that you saved some travel time by picking the right lane to be in. Augh, the worst thing in the world is when you’re trying to be a strategic driver and end up seeing 20 cars drive past you in the next lane. Anyway, I picked the right lane today and I just know I saved myself a good fifteen minutes.

BTW – I absolutely cannot stand drivers who drive under the speed limit for no apparent reason. What the frak is up with that?

The Highway is My Beeyotch

Dear Diary,

I’m totally mental today because, for some reason, I went on the expressway. And then I took it again going home! It was…well, people who drive below the allowed speed limit when there’s no traffic should be banned. And people who don’t signal should get a ticket. Anyway, it ended up being a nice drive (stop lights be damned!) and my recent practicing of lane changing maneuvers came in handy. I wasn’t exactly “psycho weaving through lanes” but I wasn’t “old lady who shouldn’t drive on the expressway and stays in the right lane”. And my commute was shortened, but not significantly enough for me to swear by this route everyday.

Beware, perfect parallel parking technique: you’re next!!

Sincerely,
i-cant-drive

Two Old Ladies in a Buick

Dear Diary,

I generally get annoyed when I’m behind a car that’s going below the speed limit. But, the other day, I ended up behind two old ladies in a Buick. Seriously! I swear, Matt Saracen’s grandma was driving the car. AUGH!

Yours truly,
i-cant-drive

P.S. Driving in the snow is bogus!

Light Snow + Super Cold = AUGHWEIRA!!!!

Dear Diary,

Today, my car slid around the road a litte bit as I made a right turn. It was sort of creepy. It was also sort of funny. I didn’t get frazzled by it, but I’m really lucky that there were no other cars or pedestrians in the vicinity.

Thank God for small favors, huh? I’ll need to be a little more cautious when the roads are slippery. My poor little Civic just can’t take it!

Yours truly,
i-cant-drive

Riding Someone's Bumper is Wrong…Right?

Dear Diary,

I think the driving gods are messing with me. I keep ending up behind these slow grandpas who can’t even drive the speed limit. I mean, it happened to me on every road I was on today. And, just as I thought I lost the person, I ended up behind another slowpoke. Why? Why? Why????

Come on! I mean, I hate it when people go fast and drive like maniacs. But can’t people at least drive the speed limit???

Frustrated,
i-cant-drive

P.S. It is totally time to start driving on the highway. Stoplights be damned!! Too bad I hate switching lanes.

Am I the Only Person Who is Annoyed by Windshield Wipers?

Dear Diary,

It’s been rainy or snowy lately, and that has required me to use my windshield wipers. While they are extremely important, I can’t help but be completely annoyed by them:

  • They never seem to have the perfect speed.
  • Sometimes, that squeaky noise they make….oooh…it kills me.
  • There are circumstances when you get windshield wiper streaks. Ew! I hate windshield wiper streaks!

Now, I’m going to completely change the topic. Did you ever do something completely nuts, but not realize it until you had already done it? I was going around this car and, I swear, I was probably only half an inch away from it. I am CRAZY!!

Bye.
i-cant-drive

The Fast and the Furious(ly Slow)

Dear Diary,

Before I drove off for work this morning, I thought to myself, “Self, this is going to be a nice drive. Lots of people are off today and it should be smooth sailing.” I couldn’t have been more wrong! All the butt monkeys and grandpas were out this morning. I got stuck behind a lady going 30mph in a 45mph zone. And I couldn’t get around her! Then, this dude was totally riding my ass, finally gets around me, and turns into….a Dunkin Donuts parking lot. Come on, people!! Are you serious?

Thanks for reading my rant.
i-cant-drive