Category Archives: Just A Girl

Nothing More Than Feelings

I’ve been fishing for validation lately about a particular issue. A few people are telling me what I want to hear. Others aren’t so generous but remain supportive and haven’t invalidated my argument. Out of this group of people in my life, none of them have said what I really need to hear right now. It’s not their fault: all my friends have been awesome. But I was grateful to run into someone today; a person whom I trust and would classify as a good friend even though I don’t speak to or see him very often.

I’m pissed right now. I gotta say it. Pissed at the universe, at myself, at people who really didn’t do anything wrong. In the past few weeks, I’ve felt simultaneously happy and awful at the same time, which can’t be healthy. I talked to my friend about what’s been going on and he’s been there. He knows what I’m feeling. And he gave me straight and simple advice, stuff that I’m smart enough to know but have avoided thinking about because I’m desperate for things to work out according to plan.

I’m sorry I take everything so seriously. Wait, no. I’m not really sorry about that. It makes things a bit harder and generally means that I have less fun than most other people my age, but I like having deep feelings and I like sharing and showing how I feel…

No more. Time to disengage. I’m tired of the head spinning and the wondering and, well, let’s face it: I’m tired of waiting my turn. Fuck that. I’m sad, but why the hell am I doing this to myself and wasting time? I deserve better. Don’t high-five me for my self-empowerment just yet: I’m still really hopeful and think there’s a sliver of possibility… but I also might be missing out on something really awesome.

 

Thanks for the talk today, CM. Wish me luck.

I Can See Clearly Now

My oldest niece found out about a week ago that she needs glasses. She’s 6. “That’s tragic,” said a friend when I mentioned it to her. I was a bit taken aback. Most of the people I know use glasses or contacts. I see a lot of little kids wearing glasses. Then, I remembered what it was like when I started wearing glasses. I wasn’t totally traumatized, but I do shudder when I see the old photos. More on that later…

In a case of good timing, Rookie* posted a Q&A by Marie that included a question about feeling insecure about wearing glasses. Photos are shown of some “badass b**ches in glasses” including the super wonderful Tina Fey. Click here to read it!

I’d like to add one more awesome girl to the list: Alex from Modern Family!

I usually wear my contacts, but I’d like to think that I’m also a good example of a cool chick who wears glasses.

I was 11 when my vision started to go bad. I distinctly remember sitting in my 6th grade classroom, squinting in an effort to read the vocabulary words on the chart. I had been in denial about it for some time until my teacher yelled at me because I couldn’t read the word “javelin.” Yup. I remember the damn word that I couldn’t see. Or, it’s entirely possible that I remember “javelin” as being confusing. I mean… javelin. What wacky story were we reading that we needed to know what a javelin is? Ooooh, I digress.

I went to see the family eye doctor and got my first pair of glasses. I look back in shame at the old photos, but I’d like to think that I was rockin’ the glasses and braces pretty well back then. It was the early 90′s, okay?! OMG. I can’t believe I’m posting this photo. Let’s just pretend that it’s a vintage American Apparel ad, if American Apparel sold awesome long-sleeve floral dresses and their models had bad posture.

…and so began my awkward pre-teen phase! I still have the same eye doctor, which is kind of unbelievable but nice. He’s also my niece’s eye doctor. Cuh-razy! I switched to contacts right before 8th grade graduation. I also got my braces taken off around that time. The ugly duckling became a swan (sort of) just in time for high school.

My niece has been a good sport about it and I think she’s gonna rock her glasses pretty well. It did break my heart a little when she said, after picking out her frames, “The kids at school are going to make fun of me when they see my glasses.” I asked if she would make fun of someone who had glasses. She said she wouldn’t. So I told her that cool people won’t make fun of her and the ones who do aren’t worth her time. She’s already much more friendly and social and outgoing than I ever was in grade school, so I know she’ll do just fine, glasses or no glasses.

Yikes, I’m so embarrassed about that photo. Congratulations, Internet! You now have evidence that I looked as nerdy on the outside as I was on the inside.

*Rookie is totally cool and empowering and I love it even though I’m an old lady and it’s written for teens and was created by one of the coolest teens in the universe. I aspire to be like Tavi when I grow up.

Toe Cleavage

I couldn’t help but buy a pair of TOMS ballerina flats. They’re not as comfy as the classic slip-ons and they’re taking a bit more time to break in, but they’re cute and I like them. They cost a bit more, but they are more ‘dressy’ while still being casual.

I’m glad I chose this print. I have a lot of solid colored flats and wanted something a bit more wild for summer. If you decide to try these, it’s recommended to get a half-size smaller than what you usually wear. Okay, now let’s move on to a related issue: toe cleavage.

Toe cleavage happens, okay? I’ve accepted it and while I do notice it on myself and others, I have no issues with it. I know a few people who won’t wear shoes that show toe cleavage regardless of how cute or comfy they are.

What are your thoughts on toe cleavage?

Pretty, Funny, Mysterious

It’s technically Thursday, but I’m in Friday mode since I took tomorrow off. It’s been a roller coaster week of sorts.

I literally had a sleepless night because I was worried about work, which is just so wrong. I think my job is secure, I’m confident I do a good job, and I’ve learned how to deal with change and different personalities. But something happened this week that bothered me so much that I didn’t feel better until I sat down to discuss it. Unfortunately, I had to wait a day, and I couldn’t stop wondering how the discussion would go. Would I be upset? Would I get aggressive and be disrespectful? Would I lose my nerve and fail to voice all my concerns? It all ended up okay, but I never want to lose sleep over work again.

In more fun updates, I decided to be bold and wear my lip stain a couple days this week. My work BFF told me it was pretty, and “pretty” kind of became a theme today in the weirdest way. See, I couldn’t figure out what to wear this morning, and I ended up solving my problem in an unorthodox (and very non-Melissa) way. I got so many compliments: “Oooh, that’s pretty!” and “Wow! You look so pretty today!” and “I like your sweater!” So… what was I wearing? Um… black pants, black sleeveless top, and a floral cardigan–Talbots brand–that I took from my Mom’s closet. I felt pretty awesome with my clever fashion choice this morning, but my sister, the person who knows me better than anyone, brought me back to earth by cracking up when she saw me wearing the cardigan.

I guess my fashion tastes are definitely changing. I really need to go shopping for two reasons. First, I want clothes that are more flattering versus safe/fits OK/dark/hides my fat rolls. Alright, it’s not like I want to put my fat rolls on display. And I’m being a little hard on myself with the whole fat rolls thing. I really need to stop typing ‘fat rolls.’ I’ve gotten inspiration from a couple blogs that provide great fashion ideas and advice.

jillgg’s good life (for less) is a great blog with a lot of ideas, product features, trends, and style tips. I love all the outfit ideas and photos. I especially love that the products featured on the site are affordable and just very cool. It’s my type of style. She recently posted an outfit using stripes and florals (see photo above) that I cannot get out of my head! Must shop.

Stylywear features more high-end fashion, but it is focused on corporate style and provides great advice. I started a mental shopping list in my head after perusing the blog for 20 minutes. When you see me in slim pants, leggings, or high wasted pants, you’ll know that it’s because I followed the advice on this blog.

In other news, someone anonymously left a gift on my work BFFs desk. We tried to solve the mystery yesterday, but we still don’t know where the fruit came from. I’m not above admitting that I’m a little jealous that she got an anonymous gift and I didn’t. What the hell?! But the whole situation has inspired and motivated me to leave secret gifts on other people’s desks… Hmmmm….

Finally, I am super jazzed because I booked two trips today! One is coming up in three weeks. The other is in late July. I am really looking forward getting away and chilling out with some of my favorite people. How lucky am I that I can afford to visit my friends and am welcomed with open arms?! I’m very lucky.

Zooey Deschanel is a Charming Alien.

This is not a rant about Zooey Deschanel. It may seem like it is, but it isn’t. The truth is that I’m a little jealous of her. Ew, I can’t believe I admitted that. Anyway, I get the appeal of Zooey Deschanel —- to an extent. She’s cute, adorable, sexy. But she’s also completely quirky and, let’s face it, kind of out there. I can’t help but feel like all the dudes who get all unf about her are hypocrites. Most of you, anyway. I mean, COME ON. She seems so awkward and SHE NEVER STOPS BEING ADORABLE. Let’s not forget that she and Katy Perry and Emily Blunt have nearly the same face (not that there is anything wrong with that). In real life, Zooey would be your everyday cute weirdo. There’s nothing wrong with that. I would love to be an everyday cute weirdo but most of the time I’m a creepy, frowny weirdo.

There’s no doubt that ZD is intelligent and attractive. I want to be friends with her. I would also like to see her in a normal t-shirt and jeans without any makeup on. That’s the thing, though… the overwhelming reason for me to put ZD in the “Like” column of my Likes/Dislikes list is because she’s so her. It’s in what she wears, how she speaks, how she carries herself. Zooey is Zooey and Zooey is (or at least seems to be) 100% confident about her Zooey-ness. She knows what she likes, she’s not afraid to show it, and she has the face/body/brain to pull it off. God, I hope she’s not scamming the world by being “Zooey” instead of Zooey.

Are you still with me?

It’s only been recently that I have started to try and define my style. I used to call my style the “Soccer Mom Who Isn’t A Soccer Mom” look. It was really kind of disgusting and unflattering. I was a jeans and t-shirt and gym shoes kind of girl. My color palette usually consisted of black, grey, black, grey, and more black. Cardigans, cardigans, cardigans. No skirts or dresses unless there was a special reason for it (or it’s laundry day and I’m desperate). Hair down, no makeup, accessorize with simple earrings, a ring, and my watch. Alright… all of that still describes my style, but I’m wearing clothes that are more flattering instead of loose-fitting (showing off my assets, if you will) and opting to wear nicely cut tops instead of a standard t-shirt that says “YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS” on it. YES, this just turned into a post about style!

I kind of adore ZD’s style. It’s girly, bold, sometimes a little too quirky, but like I said: she has the face and body to pull it off. Let’s take the bangs, for example. I HEART HER BANGS. If my hair would cooperate and make it possible for my bangs to look Zooey Deschanel’s, I would have bangs all the time. It’s entirely possible that she has a professional bang stylist, but still. It’s not fair!

I don’t think my style is as feminine and colorful as ZD’s. A co-worker and I were reading Cosmo during lunch today, and there was a “What’s Your Style?” page. We agreed that I mostly fall into the “girly” category with some “edge” but little “glam.” Let’s face it. Glam and I don’t exactly go hand-in-hand, and it’s not like I’m going to show up to work in a sequin skirt unless someone dares me or I lose a bet. I appreciate fashion but I’m mostly conservative. I’m not completely in love with my body and it’s hard to feel confident in something that’s too colorful or doesn’t fit right.

I’ve been incorporating more color into what I wear. I always had color in my closet, along with fabulous shoes and skirts and dresses, but I rarely wore any of them. I may have joked about having pants for each day of the week and rotating them week in and week out, but that was the reality. Why the change? I lost some weight and can actually wear clothes in my “Wear This When You Lose Weight” pile. My new-ish work environment made me want to step up my look and look more professional and put together. And this is pathetic, but I wanna look the way I feel and have my style reflect my personality. It seems so easy for most people, but it’s a challenge for me.

This above photo is very much a Me look. Quit copying me, Zooey. LOLJK. I truly do like this everyday casual look, though. What really slays me about ZD is the makeup:

Between the crazy blue eyes and the eyeliner/mascara? WHAT?!?! Stop it, Zooey. Just stop it. You’re putting my brown eyes to shame and teasing me because I lack any ability to apply eyeliner.

The point of this post is, Zooey Deschanel is attractive but unusual. She’s a charming alien. I think I’m a charming alien, too. I’m quirky. I act like a complete fool sometimes and I am thisclose to being brave enough to reflect who I am in what I dress and what I wear. Bye bye conservative soccer mom who isn’t a mom. No, wait! Come back! I can’t afford a new wardrobe! Dammit.

I Hate Shopping

I never really liked shopping to begin with, but I hate it even more these days because I have to get larger sizes and nothing fits me right. My belly is too big. My shoulders are too small. My boobs don’t seem to be in the right place for the way most shirts are made. My butt sticks out too much.

I’m starting to hate how I look and shopping for new clothes just adds salt to the wound. I’ve been working on eating less lately, and it has translated into some weight loss (about four pounds in the last two weeks) and I know I can push myself to start working out more often and more intensely.

It’s the damn shape of my body that’s bugging me. Don’t get me wrong, I like my curves and I appreciate my T and A parts. I just wish more clothes were cut to accommodate my shape. Whenever I find something that fits, I look like a box or a big pear. In other words, NOT SEXY.

Oh, well. I’ll work with what I have. Even with weight loss, I don’t think I’ll ever fit the cookie cutter styles that are in stores today. Maybe I’ll start a new line of womens clothing called Short and Shapely and Asian.

In related news, I’m starting to teach myself to not love food and eating so much, which makes me sad.

Girls Gone Wild

Girls can be pretty crazy when they shop, but you haven’t seen crazy until you attend a girls shopping event. Last night, I went to Shecky’s Girls Night Out. Now, I can talk about all the great stuff I saw, the awesome goodie bag, or the cute headband I bought, but the crowd is what I really want to talk about.

This is the first one of these I’ve gone to, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was mostly excited to get my goodie bag. A group of girls checked in at the same time I did. Here’s what happened:

Girl #1: Oh my god, this is sooo cool!
Girl #2: Look at all the people!
Girl #3: We get wristbands, how cool!
Girl #2: Let’s take a picture by the sign!
Girl #1: Did I leave my camera in the car?
Girl #3: Where’d my ticket go?
Girl #2: Smile, you guys! *camera click*

Those were the uber-excited girls. Next to them, you had the serious shoppers. I won’t even attempt to recap the conversations I heard because, let’s face it – I’m not cool enough to know what the hell they were talking about. But these girls weren’t there to have a good time. They were well-dressed, seriously looked at the merchandise, and talked at length with the vendors.

Most everyone was in a bubbly mood. Maybe it was because of the complimentary drinks. Maybe it’s because they were having a great time with their friends. Some people were total bitches, though, getting all mad because I was in their way. Uh, hellllooooo… can’t you see that it’s crowded?

Then there are the hogs and hoverers. The hogs stand and look at something and don’t move. They just stand there. In your way. Usually, the hogs end up buying nothing. The hoverers stand behind the hogs. They move their heads and bodies in any way they can in order to get a view of what the hogs are looking at. The ideal situation is when the hogs are 5 feet tall and the hoverers are 6 feet tall.

Me? I look from afar and get close only when interested. Events like this where the vendor is in your face are a little awkward for me. I feel badly when the seller is really nice but I don’t like their product. Sometimes I’ll decide not to purchase something if the seller isn’t genuine or if they’re pushy (eg, “Oh yes. That furry wristband is sooo you.”). I don’t like to haggle, I don’t like it when people watch me try on stuff, and I’m sometimes annoyed when other customers comment on what I’m looking at or trying on. Lastly, I always need a buddy at events like this.

I view Girls Night Out as an actual girls night out. You could get a makeover, a manicure, try on clothes and accessories comfortably, get advice from the vendors or any of the women around you, and truly be as girly as you want to be. Women of all shapes, sizes, ages, and ethnicities could be found at the event. The vendors didn’t seem to cater to a specific group: there was truly something for everything at the event. It was a safe haven. At what other event would you feel comfortable trying out stripper aerobics in front of a bunch of strangers? Don’t answer that.

Ice Queen

Talk to the hand

This is a personal post, but something I’ve been thinking about for awhile.

Preface: I remember the first bachelorette party I attended. I had just turned 18, was literally two days away from starting college, and was really excited to hang out with the older girls and drink some alcohol. I didn’t know what to expect from the stripper. He did his dance and played with the bride and bridal party, all of which I was able to handle. When he started grabbing the other girls at the party, I fled the room. Literally. I quickly walked out of the room and sat outside on the porch – as far I could possibly be from the stripper – until he left.

At the start of the party, long before the stripper arrived, the maid of honor was handing out funny name tags for everyone. The name tag she gave me was “Ice Queen”. The label given to me and the actions that followed that night have continued to haunt me.

Continue reading →

Hopeless.

May I get all Sex in the City for a moment?

I’m a single gal. While I have no regrets about past relationships – okay, relationship – and no desire to pimp myself out, I do get lonely. And there are moments, usually a few days a month, when I feel incredibly…frisky. Yes, frisky. And it’s during these moments that I wish I had a scratching post. Yes, scratching post. Go ahead and call me insensitive. I’m just telling it like it is.

So, I’m having one of those days. And it certainly doesn’t help that I got physically close to a guy at work* today (nothing inappropriate) and he smelled awesome. The best part was that I didn’t smell how awesome he smelled until I got thisclose to him (again, nothing inappropriate. I’ll try to do a reenactment and put it on YouTube or something). I wasn’t sniffing him, I just happened to inhale at the right moment, so I’m not a complete freak. Decent looking guy, totally “scratch post”-worthy. But, alas, I’m a nice girl, and just blogging about this is making me blush.

It’s a good thing I planned to go to the gym today. That should help ease some of my frustration. And maybe when I get home, I’ll pop in a Smallville DVD (one with Green Arrow, of course) and just hope that the frisky moment passes. Goodness, I need a drink.

*If you work with me, don’t even ask who I’m talking about. I’m serious. Don’t. Ask. And if you’re a guy at work and you’re reading this, I’m not talking about you.