Note: This post is a big bumbling mess. Since I’m not being graded on it or paid to write it, though, I’m going to leave it as it is.

Everyone lives by a set of rules. We are given boundaries by our parents, our religion, philosophers, our friends and colleagues. All the teachings we are given and the experiences we have determine our own individual set of rules that we impose on ourselves.

I’m Catholic, so allow me to discuss the Ten Commandments: don’t follow any other gods, don’t kill, don’t be mean to your mom and dad, don’t covet people or stuff that you have no right to covet, don’t miss church, don’t steal. Don’t, don’t, don’t… OR ELSE. Seems easy enough when you’re a little kid and first learning about the Ten Commandments. As we approach adolescence, things like avoiding sex, drugs, and alcohol, are tied to living as good Christians.

My issue with the Ten Commandments is that it’s a list of what NOT to do. Jesus Christ took a different approach in telling his followers how to live their lives. He used stories or parables. The Good Samaritan is a good example with a good message: Treat everyone with compassion. I think everyone, regardless of their beliefs, can agree that Jesus had a good overall message: Love one another. Yeah, you might be crucified for it, but just love one another.

Karma is something more universal and easy to understand: if you do something bad, something bad will happen to you in return. If you do good, good will come upon you. We all know this is basically a load of hooey. There are a lot of “bad” people who have great lives and fortune and are even happy. There are a lot of “good” people for whom daily life is a struggle. Going back to the Good Samaritan, nothing bad happened to the two people who didn’t stop to help the guy who had been mugged, and the Good Samaritan didn’t get anything in return for helping him out.

Let me get to a point here: We are taught the difference between right and wrong. We are given a list of things not to do. We learn to fear the consequences of doing bad things, and to expect a reward for being good little boys and girls.

I would hope that we all have a moment during which we are enlightened to the fact that breaking a rule shouldn’t mean the end of the world, and that being a saint doesn’t mean that you will live happily ever after. For me, the moment was in church, during a homily. I was about 9 or 10. The priest told a story about a young man he knew. This young man and his girlfriend went to their senior prom and decided to have sex. On their way home, they got into a terrible car accident and she died. I’m going to give the priest the benefit of the doubt and guess that his point was that life is short and we may not have a chance to reconcile with things we may regret doing. As a young girl, though, my takeaway was that I will get killed if I disobey the church’s teachings. And I was NOT okay with that.

Every action has consequences. I guess I believe that. There are things we can’t control, but we are still responsible for our choices. Deciding to buy my condo had its consequences. Deciding to brew another pot of coffee today can also have its consequences. If I subscribe to the Chaos Theory, I can also believe that the decision or someone else or even someTHING else can have an impact on my life. But that’s life. We can choose to take risks or to use caution, but we still might get hit by a bus and die.

Yet, there are people who are far too judgmental about how others live their lives. They imply that having everything you want will result in you being unhappy and alone later in life. They imply that depriving yourself of enjoyment and pleasure will bring you great happiness when some higher power determines that you finally deserve it. They imply that every bad thing that happens to you or your family is entirely your fault. Yet, these people are big rule-breakers themselves. They have gone against what their religions teach. They fight back instead of turning the other cheek. They tell little white lies. They show no compassion. They place blame on others without holding themselves accountable for their own actions.

One of my aunts was a kind and generous woman. I always remember her as being very happy and positive. She was probably one of the best people I knew. She had a great, comfortable life, but she was a God-fearing and compassionate woman. What did she do to deserve getting cancer? I refuse to blame anyone for what happened to her. It just did. And, if she had been a horrible person, I would never suggest that she had it coming.

I am definitely not perfect. But I’m at the age where following my own rules is as important as ever — not because I’m scared of terrifying consequences, but because I need to be able to live with myself. I’m lucky to have had people in my life who respected my values to the point where they would be the ones to stop me from doing something they knew I wouldn’t feel right about later. I’m lucky to have people in my life who won’t judge me for my actions even if they don’t agree with them. I’m lucky for the people in my life who tell me the truth because they want me to be a better person, and not because they want to cut me down. I can blame the world for my misfortune, but I take responsibility for the choices I make.

My philosophy? Life’s not fair. Be kind to the people you love. Show compassion. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

We easily greet people everyday with a quick “Hi, how are you?”

We exchange these moments with friends, colleagues, neighbors, and even strangers.

Don’t forget to ask the people you live with how they are. The people you wake up with and say goodnight to. The people who love you. The people you love.

Why are we so quick to consider people who may not matter to us? Don’t forget the people who do matter. They may be waiting and hoping you care enough to ask how they are doing. And it’s a painful moment when you realize that you don’t know someone who is important to you.