This is a chick. This chick is a metaphor for me. You see, I’m a chicken. Cluck, cluck! I have certainly had my moments of bravery, times when I have thought to myself, “Whoa, Melissa, what in the world are you doing?! You’re awesome!” But most of the time, I am a giant scaredy cat (or a cute tiny little chicken). Taking no action leads to the ever popular “what if?” which leads to “you would know ‘what if’ if you had just taken a chance” which leads to “goodness, I really suck” which leads to “hey, look at that person! they took a chance and fell on their face” which leads to “look at that person! they took a chance and it paid off” which leads to “goodness, I really suck and now I’m sad, too.”
Okay, okay. Before you start coming up with theories about my self-image and psychoanalyze my excuses along with my remarkable talent to come up with them, know this: I am a shy, weird, and uncomfortable dork. Shocker, right? I can revel in my moments, but then I go back into my head and wonder what everyone else thought or how a situation could have been better. I’m smart enough to know that no one out there thinks of me constantly or keeps a tally of my embarrassing or less-than-perfect moments, but I’m still that girl who wants everyone to like her and think well of her. I’m not a people pleaser, exactly. I’m more of a don’t-make-anyone-mad person.
I decided to give myself an exercise this month: Just do it. Say yes when you would usually say no (unless you have an actual reason to say no). It was brought on by a few deaths in the past several weeks. I think Buffy said it best in season 1, episode 1:
Buffy: Well, my philosophy– do you wanna hear my philosophy?
Willow: Yeah, I do!
Buffy: Life is short.
Willow: Life is short!
Buffy: Not original, I’ll grant you, but it’s true, you know? Why waste time being all shy and worrying about some guy and if he’s gonna laugh at you. Seize the moment, ’cause tomorrow you might be dead.
Willow: Oh, that’s nice!
Yes, Willow. That IS nice. (I really miss Buffy, btw.) Now, I am not going to use this as an excuse to go crazy and show up to work wearing a low top, mini skirt, and platform stilettos just because I feel like it. But there are certainly a lot of things that I want to do and even need to do, but I keep waiting… waiting until it’s the “right” moment, until I’m in a better mood, until it stops raining, until it does rain. Simply put by Thomas Jefferson:
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
The last time I felt this way was when I returned home from Israel. I was determined to accomplish something everyday, whether it was finishing a project at work, meeting up with an old friend, cleaning out my closets, or reading a book instead of watching TV. It worked for awhile and I felt great! These days, the times when I feel worst are when I realize that I have wasted time or still have a task hanging over my head. Get it done, Melissa. Get it done without compromising who you are.
So far, I’m doing okay. Nothing major to report, but I have made plans. There are a few difficult tasks I have given myself. I only have things to gain if I step up and take a chance. Mostly, the tasks require me to leave my comfort zone a bit, but I know I will create memories and learn more once I step over that first hurdle. One task is work-related and a little scary. And one task scares the shit out of me, but it may change my life. Or it won’t. I’ll never know if I don’t try. I just want to be proud of myself and know that I did everything I could have possibly done! I want to know that I was the best Me that I could be! *cue inspirational music*
Have you done anything uberbrave lately? Tell me about it! I require inspiration.