Tag Archives: dreams

Fruition

I am a dreamer. I am an observer. My heart races when I consider the possibilities; when I imagine what it would be like to be a part of it all. Swimming provides a perfect metaphor. First of all, I’m never comfortable in swimwear, no matter what the circumstances are. Secondly, I don’t know how to swim. So, even after I have worked up the courage to go from dipping my toes in to immersing my entire body underwater, I am never really swimming. I’m just in the water, never going to the deep end, fearing for my life  if I find myself there anyway, almost jealously resenting those who are able to swim.

It’s weird: I think I’m as scared of success as I am of failure. Furthermore, I don’t particularly enjoy being the center of attention, which makes me the antithesis to my fellow Leos. Here’s the thing, though… I have been delighted lately. By my friends, by trying things I have never tried before, by letting loose and having fun, by learning that someone I already thought was interesting was so, so much more than I could have ever imagined them to be. All this delight has changed me. I want to stand out. I want to succeed.

We all have goals, but everything that is great or exciting in my life are things that I never sought to have. That says a lot, because I truly have crazy hopes, dreams, and fantasies that I keep close to my heart. So I’m learning to inch closer to the deep end. To trust someone who is a great swimmer instead of clinging to someone else who can’t swim, either. There’s a lot of positive energy with the swimmers and a lot to lean.

There’s a quote attributed to Neil Gaiman that I’m using as my mantra right now:

“If you dare nothing, then when the day is over, nothing is all you will have gained.”

I don’t want to watch anymore. I want to be a part of it. I want to see something I want and go after it. Yes, the best things in my life have been surprises. But I’m ready to start swimming, both literally and figuratively. Okay, maybe not literally. I REALLY don’t like swimwear.

Strangers In Our Heads

My dreams are usually vivid. I can’t always remember them, but I’m able to remember how they made me feel: scared, powerful, happy, disturbed. I don’t know how I compare to the average person, but I do dream often, in color, and, if I wake up in the middle of a dream, it will usually continue if I fall back asleep right away.

Many times, my dreams have a rationale behind them. For example, when I spent several days in a row watching 24, I would have dreams about fighting terrorists with Jack Bauer. Certain foods right before bed seem to trigger bad dreams. Then there are the seemingly random dreams where I’m falling or running, and wake up with my heart pounding.

I apply the same philosophy to my dreaming as I do to fantasizing: it’s normal and safe, but can get you into trouble if you expect them to come true.

I’m thankful that my dreams are usually extraordinary; there’s little chance that they will happen in real life. I once dreamt that I was with my family in a remote cabin, there was darkness all around us, someone was trying to attack us, and I was the only one who understood what was happening. Luckily, I’m always a badass in my dreams, so I morphed into a “Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2″-esque character and went after the bad guys. The other players in my dreams are people I know or can place in my real life: family, friends, old classmates, TV/movie stars, etc.

It bugs me when my co-stars (for lack of a better term) are people I have never seen in real life. Where did these people come from? If I’m me in my dream, why am I hanging out with them if I’ve never met them? What’s in my head that causes me to dream of this imaginary person? Where did they come from?

I had a dream last night and the person in my dream was someone I had dreamt about before–the same I-have-no-idea-if-this-person-really-exists person. It’s starting to freak me out. Who is this person?

You know what? I won’t let it bother me unless I happen to see this person in real life. Then, I am REALLY going to freak out. But I can’t help but wonder if I ever make cameos in this person’s dreams? Hmm.