I am a dreamer. I am an observer. My heart races when I consider the possibilities; when I imagine what it would be like to be a part of it all. Swimming provides a perfect metaphor. First of all, I’m never comfortable in swimwear, no matter what the circumstances are. Secondly, I don’t know how to swim. So, even after I have worked up the courage to go from dipping my toes in to immersing my entire body underwater, I am never really swimming. I’m just in the water, never going to the deep end, fearing for my life  if I find myself there anyway, almost jealously resenting those who are able to swim.

It’s weird: I think I’m as scared of success as I am of failure. Furthermore, I don’t particularly enjoy being the center of attention, which makes me the antithesis to my fellow Leos. Here’s the thing, though… I have been delighted lately. By my friends, by trying things I have never tried before, by letting loose and having fun, by learning that someone I already thought was interesting was so, so much more than I could have ever imagined them to be. All this delight has changed me. I want to stand out. I want to succeed.

We all have goals, but everything that is great or exciting in my life are things that I never sought to have. That says a lot, because I truly have crazy hopes, dreams, and fantasies that I keep close to my heart. So I’m learning to inch closer to the deep end. To trust someone who is a great swimmer instead of clinging to someone else who can’t swim, either. There’s a lot of positive energy with the swimmers and a lot to lean.

There’s a quote attributed to Neil Gaiman that I’m using as my mantra right now:

“If you dare nothing, then when the day is over, nothing is all you will have gained.”

I don’t want to watch anymore. I want to be a part of it. I want to see something I want and go after it. Yes, the best things in my life have been surprises. But I’m ready to start swimming, both literally and figuratively. Okay, maybe not literally. I REALLY don’t like swimwear.