This post isn’t about my body. It’s about my mind, my skills, my potential. It’s also about trust and confidence.

I gave a presentation at work this week. I was anxious in the week leading up to it. I feel spastic when I present. Am I talking too fast? Am I pronouncing words correctly? Do I make sense? Am I making eye contact? Will I be able to answer the questions that are asked of me? Once I started the presentation, I felt good. I knew the material really well, so that helped. Was I as prepared as I hoped I would be? No. But I got through it. I got through the whole hour. People laughed. They engaged in discussion. They clapped and thanked me. I got some immediate feedback from a few team members. Later in the day, I met with my boss and he gave me good feedback as well.

What really did me in is when my boss’s boss talked to me about the presentation. If anyone would give me constructive criticism or be frank about skills that need improvement, it would be her. I was elated when I realized that she had only good things to say. She had heard through the grapevine that I was nervous, and she asked me if that was true. I told her it was. She said she couldn’t believe it.

I suppose I never worry that I’m too full of myself. Even back in my music competition days, I won a lot of 1st prize trophies… but in my head, there had never been that perfect performance. I can always do better. Always. Thus, despite all the great feedback I got on my presentation, I can’t help but think about what I will do differently so that my next presentation is better. On the other hand, without that feedback, I would still be thinking that the presentation was a disaster that nobody enjoyed.

I don’t like soliciting feedback. It scares me. I don’t want to hear anything bad. I don’t want to be patronized. I just want the truth. And the truth can be harsh. It really can. But the truth can be amazing, and hearing what other people have to say is one of the ways that we improve ourselves. It’s how we find out what we’re good at. It’s how we open our eyes to opportunities. I look to my trusted friends and to those I respect for an honest opinion. Here’s the thing: whenever there is anything less than positive to say, it is immediately followed with advice or questions to help me be better. It’s what we should all do for one another: tell people how wonderful they are and help them to become better people.

I will admit that I avoid anyone with negative energy or anyone who makes me feel badly about myself. I think it’s a courageous thing to do: sometimes it means ending relationships with people we love. But I depend on people to tell me who I am. After all, I’m nothing if I’m not around others, making an impact on their lives. I need them to ease my anxiety, affirm my attributes, point out my flaws, and even suggest paths and actions that I would never think of on my own.

People are my mirror. I am a mirror to other people. So, listen to what people have to say, and be thoughtful with what you say to others. It matters. Don’t hesitate to tell someone when they have done a good job. It may mean the world to them.